Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
