I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
