I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
