Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Randomize
