Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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