Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
My ATM looks so different sober.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm both gender and math confused
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
