i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
