whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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