PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
