Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
