Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
