But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
