I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
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And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
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Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
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