They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
