I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
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on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
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I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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