last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
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I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
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If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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