you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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