I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Randomize
