I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
