Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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