Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
