I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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