My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
