I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
