By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I came so hard my ears popped.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
