you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
