Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
