So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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