Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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