you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
