if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
COCAINE IS GR8
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
