My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
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What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
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I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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