Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I wish I only lived at night.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
