so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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