i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
