you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Every concussion has its silver lining
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
