you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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