Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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