I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
