the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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