Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
