We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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