So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
