It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
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