So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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