do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
tonight lets celebrate not being married
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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