Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
