From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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