I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
