i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
