I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
