she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
