Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
