i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
