if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
