Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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