the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
