Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
