mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
