Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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