I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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