So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
