Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
