If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
