i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
