You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night