I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
