I am puke
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
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