Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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