you didnt know i had herpes?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
