Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
