you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
